Some days you just have to call your losses

I know I am a pretty good mom. I love playing with Delaney. I make the weirdest faces and noises just to get her to laugh and smile. I make sure that she has the food she needs (even though I hate breastfeeding). I make sure she gets her naps in, even if she refuses to believe she is tired and she cries and fights it. It is for her own good. It is also for mommy's sanity. Delaney and I have a great relationship. We adore each other and we adore Mike. Our little family has been extremely blessed.

Even with all our blessings and joys there are some hard days. I don't claim that these hard days are the equivalent of the many trials we read about in the Bible or Book of Mormon. For whatever reason, my ability to be patient thins and disappears. Or tiredness beats me down. Or the day feels way too long. Sometimes all I can do to console my upset baby is to set her in her pack n play and close the door. I have to let her cry it out. I have to accept that I can't always make everything better. I can try to help but I can't fix it. Some days the house is a disaster because I need to give all my energy to caring for my family. I have learned that a messy house is more often a sign of being busy rather than laziness. Even though there are days when I am lazy rather than busy. It is funny to see how priorities change and needs transform.

Last night my greatest need was a good night sleep. My sweet husband saw that need and offered to care for Delaney during the night. I was able to get a good nights rest. A night of rest that I desperately needed to take on Delaney today. Sometimes I just need a moment of quiet. I rarely listen to music anymore. Mostly because the music of a baby is enough for me. I enjoy the silent more than I ever thought I would.

I don't want to seem like I am complaining. I am incredibly grateful for my baby girl who brings me more smiles, laughter, and joy than I ever imagined possible. I am greatly blessed by my husband who is always working hard to study and get good grades so that he can be the best possible provider for our family. I am grateful for our old apartment which houses us and protects us even if I may be scared by a spider every other day. I am grateful for the knowledge that I have that it is OK to call my losses, just as long as I try again tomorrow. I am always striving to be a little better and sometimes I falter. I am human and it happens. But I have a kind Heavenly Father who knows my weaknesses and helps me turn those weaknesses into strengths. It is an everyday process but I am doing it.